Thr33 dAze B4 Halloween

You kill for revenge.
That is because you have lost something or
someone you held very dear. Now you can't seem
to get over the loss that marked your soul, and
the only solution is to go after the one person
who brought all this pain to you. Chances are
you are angry inside and you bottle everything
up and don't talk to anyone about it. People
may want to help, but you think that they can
never understand your pain and only get
frustrated because of this. But it is important
to see all that you have left and be thankful
of that even if you have lost something great.
It may not be true that Times heals all wounds,
but with time and talking about your feelings,
maybe the hurt will ease.

Main weapon: Yourself
Quote: "You can close your eyes to
reality but not to memories" -Stainslaw J.
Lec
Facial expression: Gritted teeth and
teary eyes


What Type of Killer Are You? [cool pictures]
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I love these online quizzes.


You are Iago from Othello! You aren't afraid to get
what you want - even if it comes at a high
price. Dark, dark soul, you.


a (real) shakespearean quiz
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Me? A Dark soul? No flipping way! lol
Yes, I am extremely dark, and flatly, um, no I'm not. Not in the most stereotypical way anyways. Shit, I could go either way. :P

High school retards.

A/N: It's a little Christian but otherwise the man has a point.

"Let it go for 2005..." by T. D. Jakes

There are people who can walk away from you. And hear me when I tell you this! When people can walk away from you: let them walk.

I don't want you to try to talk another person into staying with you, loving you, calling you, caring about you, coming to see you, staying attached to
you.

I mean hang up the phone. When people can walk away from you let them walk. Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left.

The bible said that, they came out from us that it might be made manifest that they were not for us. For had they been of us, no doubt they would have
continued with us. [1 John 2:19]

People leave you because they are not joined to you. And if they are not joined to you, you can't make them stay. Let them go. And! it doesn't mean that they are a bad person it just means that their part in the story is
over.

And you've got to know when people's part in your story is over so that you don't keep trying to raise the dead. You've got to know when it's dead.

You've got to know when it's over. Let me tell you something. I've got the gift of good-bye. It's the tenth spiritual gift, I believe in good-bye. It's
not that I'm hateful, it's that I'm faithful, and I know whatever God means for me to have He'll give it to me. And if it takes too much sweat I don't need it. Stop begging people to stay. Let them go!!!

If you are holding on to something that doesn't belong to you and was never intended for your life, then you need to ..LET IT GO!!!

If you are holding on to past hurts and pains .LET IT GO!!!

If someone can't treat you right, love you back, and see your worth...LET IT GO!!!

If someone has angered you ... LET IT GO!!!

If you are holding on to! some thoughts of evil and revenge .. LET IT GO!!!

If you are involved in a wrong relationship or addiction ... LET IT GO!!!

If you are holding on to a job that no longer meets your needs or talents ...LET IT GO!!!

If you have a bad attitude...LET IT GO!!!

If you keep judging others to make yourself feel better... LET IT GO!!!

If you're stuck in the past and God is trying to take you to a new level in Him. LET IT GO!!!

If you are struggling with the healing of a broken relationship....LET IT GO!

If you keep trying to help someone who won't even try to help themselves...LET IT GO!!!

If you're feeling depressed and stressed .... LET IT GO!!!

If there is a particular situation that you are so used to handling yourself and God is saying "take your hands off of it," then you need to... LET IT GO!!!

Let the past be the past. Forget the former things. GOD is doing a new thing for 2005!!!

LET IT GO!! Get ! Right or Get Left .. think about it, and then LET IT GO!!!

"The Battle is the Lord's!"

DEAR READER: Okay, there is a ton of lesbians on this LJ sn, and I wanted to see what some of you would think of this poem, lesbian or not. Kat INSISTS on never telling me whyyyy she likes or dislikes some of the things I write/ post, so this is me looking for some kind of feedback on my creative endevors.

I'm aware that some of you don't like me (that's one of the reasons why I made a new LJ). But when you perform poetry or publish books, you can't just present it to people who like you. If this were the case, writers simply would not get authentic feedback. Thus, writers wouldn't be able to improve their work.

So here it goes (Skip to the poem if you have to)::

Summary: A lesbian love poem about longing for another and feeding one's lust. (Hense the name "Feed".) Romantic and sexually explicit.
If you're a homophobe, or you have strict opinions about sex/ are squeemish about the topic of sex, then don't read this poem.
Please DO NOT PLAGERIZE.

PS: There is plenty of social/ sexual/ metaphysical metaphor, so look out. :)

Behold the very poetic definition of hot lesbian sex. Porno-poetic, no?

Sappho eat your heart out! XD


"F e e d"

(Written at 5:00 AM in small, green journal with the crazy face on it)


I want to be there when you feed
when, in your heart, a hunger throbs that is deep.
I want to be there when you dream
when you yearn, like a lone mare in heat,
or, a blood-crazed cat that
prowls about restlessly,
ready to murder the breeze.
(I pray that you crave for only me)
And out of desperation, you reach
for where you feel the drive,
you caress, and in your lonesome,
you writhe,
but oh, in that dream, you feed . . .

I want to be there when
your soul is dark and shining,
when your passion- like a voracious fire-
ripples through your flesh and
burns away, aching, in your chest.
Oh, take me
where your livid desires may lead,
I am the flesh for which you darkly thirst.
When you close your eyes to sleep,
I am the woman you see first.
I am that for which, by night, you cry, bark, and thunder,
that beautiful blade by which your soul bleeds.
I am the wood that crackles, sparks, and splits asunder,
in your sweltering lust and heat.
But I'm better than wood
I am silken, dried flowers and green leaves,
a moaning smorgasbord made wet by your passion
that, through your rapacious body, keens.
Oh, I am here
for your blazing soul to devour,
glistening and sweet. . . .

Open, quivering theighs; groaning, restless breath
and love-caressed, writhing necks
A hot, delicious touch that makes still eyes, open wide:
You are the new life that tingles up my spine
As we lick, and only if it's right
when we kiss, in our hot, trembling mouths
we make love to eachothers' souls,
and in our lust-laden chests,
we unite.

I want to feel you trembling under me,
I want to be the one on which your soul feeds,
For, together, we may drink of
the crazy Moon's forbidden milk,
like warm fudge, caramel treats,
or cookies and cream.
Fuck this crippling diet,
Be gone: this hampering of Love
that is
upheld by society's wrongful laws,
and followed to not offend others' eyes.
Tell them all to fuck off ...
Because, to you and I,
our love seems not only beautiful, but right.
I want to be the one abreast you,
which you will always lean,
the one and only close to you,
for whom you forever moan and scream.

Meredith Simon


To audience: So, tell me what you think. How could this be better. I'm concidering reciting this at Cubbyhole, but anyways.

P.S.: DO NOT STEAL. You may borrow this poem, as long as you mail me/ give me credit, but do NOT plagerize. Otherwise I will hunt you down and rip out your tongue with my teeth. Thank you. ::walks offstage::

Once upon a time, I used to really like and admire all of you.

Here's my new LJ sn:

when_ghosts_cry

I've been working on it for the past month or so. In fact, for the past several months I've been meaning to start a new LJ. Well, here we go.

I'll still go on Felisune to comment of Beth's, Kat's, Jess', Christina S', and a few other people's journals (including Simone when she updates- seems like in her new school in Albany, they don't let her go on sites like LJ). But don't expect me to update on this one too extensivly in the future.

Check it out/ add me if you're genuinly interested. Otherwise, later people.
Hello seniour year!! :D

I miss Simone

Wellllll, it seems like the job hunting this weekend payed off. Because it looks like that I'm gonna get me a hardcore job in Poughkeepsie at the Toys R' Us! XD

Yeeeaaaaah. Uh-huh.

Do not underestimate the hardcore-osity of working at a Toys R' Us store. Because underneath that cheerful-I-love-me-children-to-be-happy-with-their-new-toys-pretty-puppet-pokemon-my-little-poney-pal exterior, you will find the dour and militant schemes of the Toy store Mofia!!

See, the Don (or should I say, the Doness?) said I was very karismatic, was good at thinking on my feet (which can be good at gunpoint), and had the creative insperation they were looking for in their energetic and (mortally) persuasive employees.
(Creative am I? Let us see, now, exactly how many ways CAN you strangle someone with piano wire?)

Eat that Motha-fukuhs! XD

Omg! The interviews at Toys R Us are just excellent. Its not the usual ordeal where the manager asks you:

"Okay, umm, so, why did you chose to apply at this store?
"What are your skills/ stregnths?
"Were you previously employed at any of our stores? etc"

NUUUUH-uh!

See, the interviews at Toy's R us are basically like your auditioning for a part in the play. The interviews are conducted in groups. The manager said the groups are usually as big as 20 people (this time there were only 6 people- I included :). For our assignments, we were grouped into couples (I was coupled with this cute black guy named Dan! lol, he wouldn't stop smiling at me. I couldn't decide on whether he thought I was cute or whether I scared him, lol w/e ...). I was the youngest cat there, 16 years old, g! And of course, I was the MOST outspoken. (No-duh. Did you really see it being any different?) For one assignment, each group was given a toy, and we were asked to advertise/ perform a commercial on it. My partner and I picked this girly, pseudo-IM, walky-talkie sets. I wrote this half page advertisment on the little stupid toy which I couldn't care less about- but still, I needed to show them what I could do! -- what I and my partner could do. lol

For another assignment, we had to take turns roleplaying the confused-"I can't find this item!"-customer and the "all-knowing"-employee. (For some reason iw as reminded of 10th grade French class, except I was talking to a 'confused customer' in English).

Another assignment involved us taking a bunch of legos and, in 5 minutes, constructing a toy and effectivly advertising it, in a way persuasive enough that would actually make someone want to buy it. My partner and I made a boat. It was so cute! lol!

Wow, now that I look back, the other two groups really sucked compared to Dan and I. It seemed like they were too preoccupied with being friendly/ unimposing/ uncompetetive/ safe in their initial 'oooh, look at me, I'm so 'chill', yeah, g', that they seemed to have forgotten that we were in a group interview because we were all COMPETING FOR THE JOB!

I thought it was a lot of fun! And Lord knows I would LOOOVE to be payed $7+ an hour.

::Meredith yearns, whimpers:: gimmmeeeee!!!

I should be called by the boss this week for the final word. OOooooh, I hope I get the job! ::crosses fingers::

Holy shit, look at all this hate mail!!
o.o;

Dude, I was just stating what I observed. I was trying to f*cking help. Maybe I DID read it all wrong. Then again, I've only lived in Highland a few months: I really don't know what went on in the past/ what goes on behind the scenes with you guys.

I only see so many sides of ANY of you guys, now that I think about it.

I WAS JUST TRYING TO FCKING HELP!
And OBVIOUSLY I didn't whatsoever.

And oh yeah, the common complaint: I can say whatever I wish to spill to the world on this LJ thing.

And THIS particular topic was starting to bug me. I DO concider YOU Kat, as well as Kathryn and Kris-WITH-A-FCKING-K! my friends. And usually when my friends give me bad vibes or w/e, I am quick to let them know. So I decided to say/ post something and direct it particulars, since I KNOW some of you guys are going to read this.

I was simply stating what I observed/ letting you guys know what I felt about it since I do give a shit about some of you guys, and the fighting sucks major ass.

But HELL, obviously I didn't observe ENOUGH or even KNOW ENOUGH of what went on behind the scenes. (I've never seen Kris' bad side, but I don't debunk that it exists.) The only thing that I think I did wrong was direct it at particular people, and expound on things that I didn't know too much about.

I'm sorry that I apparently got into things I was ignorant about.

However, I'm NOT sorry for expressing myself.

I did go into it with a good will, and many of you should know already that when something bugs me, I DAMN WILL SAY SOMETHING ABOUT IT. Unlike some of you passive-agressive sad sacks (DANIELLE).

That's what I was doing. So YOU shut the f*ck up.

Leave it. It's dead.

Okay, I know that it comes off like I'm just some spectator sitting at the sidelines of all this High school warfare you guys saturate yourselves with. But God knows I have my own HS dramas to deal with. Nonetheless, I care about you guys, even if some of you (ie: Krissy, and Danielle) couldn't give a shit about me. (I don't know why. What the fck did I do to turn you off?) (Both of you still list me as lj "friends", so I know you'll see this.)

This Livejournal has been an on and off thing for me, so you guys haven't gotten to hearing my point of view of this whole drama..

Well, it P*SSES ME THE F*CK OFF/ HUMORS ME that you guys are blowing up on eachother like a BUNCH OF HORNEY PREP BITCHES over some STUPID BOY SCANDAL. No, Chris, I didn't call you stupid. But now, the situation is escalating to emotional AND EMO heights that I think are completly unessessary.

Gosh, I swear it seems that some people WANT to fester in the negative drama and molder in the angst. (Hello! I would know! It flipping sucks, people, doesn't it?!)

Yeesh, I know all of you have some touchy-touchy feelings about particular things. But for the sheer love of God, people, move on. CONFRONT EACHOTHER FACE TO FACE OFF THE FCKING INTERNET (confrontations in person are more effective) if it bothers you so much. I don't know what the hell all of you are scared off, but person-to-person confrontations are much more liberating of angst. GET THAT NEGATIVE SHIT OUT OF YOU. Let people know in person that you're p*ssed and that they hurt you. I mean, you guys are dealing with people who ARE your friends- confrontation should be easy. When your friends SEE what your going through, its much easier for them to understand (if they ARE your friends), and it is easier for people to forgive eachother.

Its time to live in the moment, people. Be happy for your friends. Don't try to tear them down with some stupid and overblown online EMO warfare.

Kat is with Pat now. (Wouldn't that mean that Kat has healed somewhat from breaking up with Chris?) Kathryn is with Chris. I know that Kathryn and Chris are mad happy with eachother, I can only be happy for them. I don't see why I should be p*ssed at them, seeing how happy they are together.

We ALL should be happy for them. Not flipping out like hormonally imbalanced preppy whores over things that are over and done with. Y'all are angst horses (oooh, I love the word!). Beth and Danielle know what I'm talking about.

And YES, people, we should be happy for Kat being with Pat. Arrggh .. (::feels residual angst of how people FLIPPED THE FCK OUT when I dated Pat .. for the wrong reasons .. no offense Krissy, but it just didn't work for my own personal reasons::)


TO KAT ::
Okay, Kat, I know its going to be quite hard for you to let go of Chris, and to live and let live and such. And Kat, you said something about how Chris was treating Kathryn better than how he ever treated you. Yes?

Well instead of being jealous and hurt, try being happy for these two people who are supposed to be your friends. I mean, Hello??? Look what's happened with Chris!! You said he did some shitty things .. (he's "supposed to gay") and now he's treating Kathryn like a queen. You said something about how Chris might have trouble openning up to girls and letting them in? Well, look what's happpened. He's opened up and he's treating his new girlfriend so well (am I right?).

Kat, you should be HAPPY FOR CHRIS and your ex-friend Kathryn! Chris has obviously CHANGED for the BETTER. He's evolved psychically, and, as a friend you should be happy for him. Maybe I'm just some Zen-buddhist-god-loving hippy, but they're beautifull together!

I love you Kat, though I've only known you a few months.
But, maybe now, it's your turn to change.

2. What do you think about interracial marriage in general, being that you are a result of it?

Well, technically, I’m not a result of interracial marriage. Both of my parents are Black. However, my mom is part white and my dad is part Caribbian. I don’t live with my dad, so I can’t really tell you how the whole “part Caribian” thing might influence me. ...

I think there should be more interacial marriage. Hell, I think there should be more gay marriage. Oh, but I'm just a liberal; what do I know about conservative morals?? o.0

Not everyone, Black, White, etc. would agree with me. The reasons for why people would disagree with interracial marriage are plenty. Based on that anciant idea that racial groups should only mix with the same racial group, to preserve the bloodline or some jazz like that. (This relates to question #3) I'll be honest, though, growing up mixed can be confusing - socially, emotionally, psychologically, even spiritually. As a child grows into an adolescent, who will eventually grow into an adult, that child goes through some confusing psychological and physical changes. - Stages on which that child will discover and embrace his/ her identity. as you already know, Caylena, finding/ embracing one's idnentity is a cricual and very important step towards maturity (and sound mental/ spiritual health.)

(This relates directly to question #5) Every adolescent must undergo the needed stages to find its identity. Some of us might deny it, but one's racial and cultural background plays a crucial part in how a person identifies themselves. Being multiracial would mean a person would have to learn to embrace all the spiritual aspects of what it means to be, say, white and black. But when kids are growing up, biracial kids don't seem to get that they can identify as both white and black, and still be black or still be white. Because in essence they ARE both! I went through a really rough psychological time, in middle school and early high school; I felt so divided within myself that I just didn't know how to be me- so I came off as "weird" and awkward. At one point, I felt I had 2 separate racial identities- a white boy and black girl (yeah. wow.) I don't mean this in the schitzophrenic sense, or even the transgender sense. But at times it was just pretty damn confusing and downright frustrating. Back in middle school, I was not only racially confused, but I didn't quite grasp my femininity yet (now, that's not a problem at all :). I'd say I have come a long way, spiritually and racially. I've learned that even though I now definatly feel Afro-American, I can love myself for being both black and white. I don't have to be ashamed of either, and I don't have to own up to just one racial identity. Because I'm not one racial identity; I'm mixed, and I'm me.

(Back to question #2) I think that if there is going to be interracial marriage and sex/ kids involved, the parents aught to have a strong, deep, loving bond with eachother. That way, when the child is growing up and struggling with who and what (racially) (s)he is, the child can look to its parents and be reassured that there can and will be harmony in its biracial/ bicultural life and soul.

TO BE CONTINUED!!!!!!

Interview on interracial marriage
Conducted by: Caylena Cahill
The Interviewed; Meredith Simon


1. How much do you know about the history of black/ white marriage in the US?
What are some things you know? …

I know that decades before, from the end of the Civil war (especially!) to the latter half of the 20th century, marriage between a white person and any non-white person (especially black) was taboo and usually forbidden in many societies in which white was the majority. This was due to the racism, prejudice; the condescending, elitist contempt, and the general fear/ hate many American whites of these (early and ignorant) times had for the American peoples outside their race. … To give you an idea of how taboo interracial marriage once was (and still might be in some small-town societies of the deep South), I will compare it to two gay men getting publicly married in the 1950s in Arkansas.

You are a Radical. Right on!


What kind of Sixties Person are you?
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I honestly didn't see this coming. Nope. Not at all.

Black Power! :)

So much has happened over the past month and a half with me, my family, my better friends its almost amazing.

Anyways, as of right now, this livejournal is dead. Yeah, whatever, my internet was rehooked up, but so what. Lets be real. Nobody on here really cares that much about me or what I have to say (besides you Simone, Kat too, and even you Ayutsukimiya).

I'll be creating a new journal somewhere else. If you give a shit, contact me and I'll send you the link. Otherwise, I know where my friends are and its not here.

Tears

The tears seem to come out of nowhere...
always catching me quite unaware…
they start falling before I can stop them…
so I slide through each day with great care.

I can’t let them see that I’m worried…
I won’t let them know that I’m scared…
so I stuff all those tears deep inside me…
and pretend that they really aren’t there.

Sometimes I cry as I drive down a highway…
or when I stay up alone all night long…
writing and sorting my feelings…
trying to process the things that go wrong.

I know I can’t hide them forever…
but for now this will just have to do…
so I’ll sit here and type on til morning…
and pray that my fears don’t come true.

-Suzanne Constant (2002)

I look back on these years
To see how far I've come and grown,
I take a trip down memory lane,
And what I see has shown ...

That every step I've taken,
You have been there by my side ...
From infancy to adulthood,
We've stood the test of time.

You cradled me and nurtured me,
Through all these many years;
You held me and did comfort me,
Through happiness and tears.

You'd pick me up when I would fall,
You'd dust me off and then,
Encourage me to get back on
That horse and ride again.

Your constant care and loving,
And your warm inviting heart,
Has always been a treasure that
I knew would n'er depart.

If I could be "just half" the person
You have been to me ...
Then you have taught me well dear mom,
For in my heart I see ...

A woman whose most gentle soul,
Embraces me each day ...
A woman whom I dearly love,
Much more than words can say.
.

My Treasure - For Mom
by Kit McCallum

A/N: This poem is meant to be read aloud/ "slammed". Just go see my next entry. :)

February 21, 2005 (Monday)/ updated Tuesday

“Ties of Fate”
© / by: Meredith Simon

There are no straight lines
In this thing called life,
There is always a varying rhythm,
A definite change.

From a single string of life,
A single, thread of destiny
All those different bodies, souls,
And minds;
All spread, grow, flourish,
Their separate existences,
Alive in their differences; …

Different creatures becoming
Different species,
Becoming different races …

Race: What is race?
Within the whole of the human
Species, we
Let things like race divide us?
We let things “unfamiliar” and
“strange”
Plague and deride us?

-
Overriding the bonds
Held as truth to the
Deep psychic knowing
And common sense
That we All are connected,
We all come from the same
Mysterious source.

But among the spaces
Between the races,
And in our individualities,
We are all different from one
Another, and
Beautiful all the same.
“It’s our differences that make us,
beautiful”
There’s purpose there, and beauty
In every soul.
…

Like a blazing string winding up
From
The matrix of eternity,
Are ties of Fate,
Therein lies, all souls’ destinies
Intertwined,
As what makes every soul
Different,
Makes every soul fly.